Trying....

Well, this may seem stupid or even ridiculous but then again, wat else am i suppose to do then to just express my feelings if not in blog like this? I can’t just let it go and ignore it. Again, for the millionth time, i have made my mind to ignore Blue. This is not because i gt no better things to do or wat..But it is simply because i really don’t want him to treat me like that. He hurts my feelings in every possible way. Usually i m not really the type who will care much if someone is very rude to me. I wouldn’t give a damn about it and of course the person will have to face the consequences. But in his case, i get very hurt, and i couldn’t just let it past. Something which he says or does hurts me so much, that at times i will like k****** him ! Is it so difficult to call and talk for at least a minute just to ask how I am without expecting anything? Is very difficult to msg me once in a while? Who am i helpline? Who is always on the gear to help u when u need me and for that u will ignore me till u need my help again?

But of course, it is very easy to discriminate my status, my colour, and so many other things. Have he ever thought how much that will affect me? Is it really very funny to talk about it and to tell everyone around me about it. You tell me...did I choose to be like this? I am all fine with who i m, so y u bother about it. Can’t u just give me a break? Hence, i came up with a solution, which is to ignore him for good. I don’t want to get hurt..Anymore.

bye bye butterflies :-(

haha !!
u noe wat...i wanted to 'delete' that feeling rite..i tried and tried..
the butterflies were there..but guess wat ??!! before it flies any higher in me....it vanished !!! TADA !!
how?? well... someone else gave butterflies to the person who gave me da butterflies..
so...yea...
there goes da butterflies..

u noe it is kinda funny..in a sad way...
that the person i like will always end up as my very good fren...really good fren..and i will start giving them advises about their love life..haha !! can u believe it !!
me..me me...!!! of all the ppl on earth..

it happened again this time too..
he gave me da butterflies..and he killed it too..

delete delete go away !!!!

well, after s long, i m having some butterflies here...in me...but..again and again...
it is so obvious that, i m repeating the same mistake !!!
i so dont wanna go into this thing cuz i noe, if i m really in it, i will not noe how to come out of it easily..and well so obvious that things will not work out..i mean ..haiz..nvm..
so my current mantra is 'delete delete go away !!'
but how long will i say this same mantra gain and again...
how long more??
i tell everyone to pursue wat they feel like doing..but in my case, i just ignore and wait..is it so??
i m not following my own principals..i m going against it !!
wat the hell...this is so not me !!

honestly, at the rate i m goin, i might end up in my lala land forver and ever..
when wil my dreams come through??

for goodness sake...( i dont wanna repeat my old lines again....) but yea, *sigh*

im waiting for something, i don't know what im waiting for exactly but i guess ill have to wait and see what exactly i am waiting for..

b'day-bad day

I wish my b’day was celebrated grandly too. Only once in my life time I will be 21 but it was not celebrated grandly. I know my parents don’t have the money and all but I envy all my friends who got the opportunity to celebrate it grandly. For that I would never want to celebrate my b’day ever again.

Well after a long time, i finally got some time to write..hmm...a lot of things have happened and though my mind says i am not bothered but my heart is not saying so..

ok here is the thing..well u noe my fren 'white' he is not talking to me anymore..and the big problem now is , i dunno y he is doing that !! i mean as a fren u should always tell right wat is right and wrong if ur fren did something...?? we were really close frens once upon a time..really really close..as in we have shared a lot of things and honeslty from my previos post u should noe that till now i dont noe y that i always tell him everything which is going around me or with me..well except for this part. i have tried to make a conversation with him and that doesn't seem to work..that idiot is simply ignoring me and i dunno y !!!
since this was bothering me a lot i asked my frens around me about it and one of my fren told me that the reason y he is ignoring me is because he think i m very egoistic ..hmm...ok...thats not a very nice thing to hear but again if u were my good fren u would heve told me straight rite..i have listened to u countless of times wouldnt i listen to u if u tell me properly about my behaviour..wouldnt i do something about it?? i respect u ..ur words and accept everything about u...y da hell are u doing this to me??
do u noe that by u not talking to me, i feel so...i dunno...seriously there are no words to describe it..
honestly i m very stressed out about this..i have never cried for any guy ..(maybe once for my very close guy fren) but even that because he was ill..but u..u..u.. made me cry by simply ignoring !! SERIOUSLY buddy that really really hurts !!!
WTH u want me to do ah..tell me..just tell me...dont go around tell stuffs about me..ignoring me..and all that..,
my frens told me that if he is ignoring me i should do the same..but i just cant do it...i just cant ...
i m trying and trying and trying but ..i just cant seem to forget u..u have a great impact on me..and i noe that u noe that..then y are u still doing that...??
if one day u wanna talk about it, pls tell me..i am always here waiting...until then i will still try to forget u...